LISTEN UP, PEOPLE.

Josh and I have picked a WEDDING LOCATION. If that's not reason to shout, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.

I'm not going to lie to you: We didn't do it without a couple of stiff drinks. But we did it. I can't imagine how hard it would have been if we would have had more than three places to chose from, two of which were VFWs. Yet another reason not to get hitched in NYC.

Here is the location: The McCormick House Inn and Repository of North Woods Style. Shh! We haven't put down a deposit yet. The McCormick House is in Hayward, Wisconsin, home of the cheese curd. (This is not actually true. The true home of the cheese curd is in my belly.) It is the only B&B in the Midwest that notes their sheets' thread count on their website. Also, and of much greater interest to me, they have two porches and plenty of parking.

Here are some things to do in Hayward, Wisconsin, because let's face it, you're coming.

See the WORLD'S LARGEST MUSKIE. Again, I feel the shouting is called for.

Race the Birkie. This does not look hard at all. If I were you, I wouldn't train; just show up and go for it.

Saw in the Lumberjack World Championships. Assuming you qualify for the finals, of course.

Attend the Crappie-A-Thon. Really. I regret to inform you that we won't be getting married during the Crappie-A-Thon, so if you yearn for all things crappie, you'll need to make separate arrangements.

If you need bait while you're here (you'll need bait), just swing by the Happy Hooker. The Happy Hooker is also where you'll want to go if you need anything else, such as Q-tips. Pat, we are arranging for them to stock extra condoms, so don't worry.

If you're hungry, why not drop in on the Norske Nook? You will not be surprised to learn that the Norske Nook is a chain. If I find out that you go to Hayward, Wisconsin, but do not visit the Norske Nook (and I WILL find out), you are in big trouble. You will go there, and you will get the strawberry rhubarb pie, and that is the end of the matter.

And finally, I know we'll all be hanging out at the Wild River, where the menu features "Deep Fried Delights and Mexican" and the party rocks All Night Long (or until 1 AM, whichever comes first). Go, Tony! Go, Tony! Break it down, Tony!