Attention WEDDING PARTY and people who share beds with members of the WEDDING PARTY and people who are willing to sleep with Pat:

Josh teased a bit to Ned’s Cabin yesterday. He said, and I quote, “blah blah blah Ned’s Cabin.”

You might ask yourself, who is this Ned, and why do I have to stay in his cabin?

I’ll tell you who Ned is. Ned is NOT IMPORTANT and stop asking, you nosy so-and-sos. Ned is a man, just a man with a cabin, and we are renting that cabin, and you are staying in that cabin, and that is the end of the discussion.

If you must have more information, our parents have rented this cabin called Clear Lake Point which we call Ned’s Cabin, right across Clear Lake from where the wedding ceremony will be held. The house sleeps fifty people comfortably, or 19 in beds. It’s enormous, and it has often been called “The Graceland of the Upper Midwest” because of its numerous bowling alleys and the solid gold chandelier that hangs in the Honeymoon suite above the revolving bed.

Some of you may not know this, but being in our wedding party is a Huge Pain in the Ass*, (and splendidly large hats are NOT cheap) so we thought, what better way to say thank you than to treat you to a big cabin in the woods with kayaks and paddleboats and canoes and warm water and loons so that if you have the time, you can have a little mini-vacation before you have to stand there in your mint green tuxes before God and everyone and commit to being our friends forever. Josh and I hope this will tempt some of you to come out as early as Wednesday before the wedding to enjoy Hayward and all that it has to offer, namely, loons. There are enough real beds to sleep everyone comfortably and a huge kitchen and satellite tv and pizza delivery options available. There is a pool table and a fire pit and even a piano for sing-a-longs of “We’re in Business.” It is ten minutes from the original Famous Daves. Frankly, I would go there right now if I didn’t think my bosses would frown upon it.

Please come join us at Ned's, oh party of ours. We hope it will in some way offset the choreographed number you’ll be doing to “We’ve Got Tonight” after the ceremony. We hope.


*See: What do you think of this dress? Really? You don't think it's too slutty? Do I look fat in it? You'd tell me if I looked fat in it, right? Maybe we should try on some more dresses. What are you doing this weekend?